Thursday, March 30, 2006

How To Tell If You Are A Leftie, vol 3

A continuation of a primer designed for those who are clueless to the fact that their opinions are not quite in synch with reality.

If you think the only wars in which America should become involved are those in which our national security is not at risk, you are a leftie.

Who is responsible for someone’s criminal actions? Who is responsible for their health care? Their welfare and safety? Raising their children? Making sure they put enough away for their retirement? If your answer to any of the preceding was, “the government,” congratulations on your leftie graduation.

If you believe businesses create oppression but government creates prosperity, you are a leftie.

If you think that the AFL-CIO, AARP, NEA, and other large unions actually represent the beliefs and views of the members who pay the dues (and the extremely extravagant salaries of the upper management), you are a myopic leftie.

If you think taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high, you are a leftie.

If you still insist on harping on the 2000 election, forgoing every single conclusion by every single media outlet that conducted their own independent counts, and you still whip out the tired “stolen election” mantra, you are a leftie. If you claim election fraud when the Supreme Court tells a state supreme court they overstepped their bounds by trying to shape an election by only allowing recounts in certain counties, but you see nothing nefarious when a Democrat squeaks out a win in Pennsylvania only because Philadelphia miraculously gets 100% of the registered voters to vote, or you see nothing wrong when it’s reported that Democrats in Milwaukee pick up seniors, drive them to the polls, and pay them to vote, you are a sad leftie.

If you think the candidate’s wife should change her name during a campaign, then change it back after the election, you are a Rodham Heinz leftie.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

They Call This Customer Service?

I invited two salesmen into my home one night last month. They spent three hours selling me on their company. My wife and I had already decided to utilize a home security outfit, but we were taking our time picking the right company. We decided to go with this national outfit (I won’t name them here because I refuse to give them any recognition). The one point I was most adamant about during the three hour presentation was how poorly we were treated by the satellite TV people when we moved into our new home.

A loyal customer for several years, we had arranged to move the satellite TV with us. After canceling the first appointment, the installer showed up late, then asked to return later in the day. My wife agreed, even though she had already waited half the day for him to even show. When he returned, he had his wife and children with him (a strict no-no), and he used the first excuse to pack up the truck and leave. I rushed home after a call from my wife and tried to reason with his wife as he sat in my driveway with the engine running, talking to the office on his phone. He hung up, told me it was between me and the office, and tore out of there.

While they were packing, they kept telling us that we should consider moving to the competitor. Seems they also installed for them, and I figure they get paid more by the competition. Either way, it was a wasted day, and needless to say, we are now back to cable.

I made this point abundantly clear to the home security people. He assured me that they would never do this.

When the following Monday came, and the hours dragged on with no sight of an installer, I finally called the salesman, who informed me he was busy and would call me back later. I called the main office. When I asked where my installer was, they informed me I had no appointment that day.

I was not happy.

After several calls and a few moves up the chain of command, I spoke with a very apologetic general manager who promised me that this was merely an oversight and would be corrected quickly.

I informed him that his installer had until 3 pm that day to get to my house (the original appointment was between 8 and Noon). He assured me this would not be a problem.

At 2:50, I received a call back from the salesman who was now not too busy to speak with me. He told me it was all a misunderstanding, that some paperwork was shuffled and lost, and it was being rectified. I told him the installer had ten minutes to hit my driveway or it was over. He swore to me the driver was already on his way to my house, due to arrive any moment.

Five minutes later, the driver called and told me he was at the main office, a mere 45 minutes away from my house, and he was about to gas up before heading out. I politely told him to save the gas, that the trip was going to be a waste of his time, because unless he was planning on driving at over 400 MPH, he was not going to be installing anything at my house.

The general manager was beside himself calling me and apologizing. I informed him that I understood, and I appreciated all his good feelings, but that my wife and I were not going to be entering into a long term relationship with any company who disregards our feelings in this manner before they even begin. No manner of offered free gifts or discounts changed our minds.

We put a stop payment on the check, as we were not going to wait months for this company of idiots to decide they had held our money long enough. It was worth the money the bank charged us to know this company would never see a dime from us.

All of this happened over a month ago. Friday night, I get a phone call from some bozo in the company who tells me he has in his hand a check from me with a stop payment on it, and he is demanding to know why I did that.

Although he kept trying to interrupt me, I get out the full story as to why I am not paying him over $400. The fact that his company never set foot in my house, other than the slick salesman (who bragged about how long he had been with this company, but who the caller now informed me was “no longer with the company”), the fact that I had never had any of the equipment delivered nor was it ever installed, the fact that the contract was broken on their part, the fact that in order for payment to be earned, services need be rendered…all of this was laid at his feet, along with my feelings on a company that could care less about its customers.

After listening/interrupting for about ten minutes, this employee tells me that he does not have my paperwork in front of him and I need to fax him my copy so that he can clear this up, so I won’t be charged for canceling the check. I politely inform him that he is gravely mistaken if he thinks I am going to lift a finger because of the incompetence of his company, and he is invited to try and get a penny from me. I tell him my lawyer should get a good laugh out of that.

Lo and behold, ten minutes later, he calls back and announces that he has found the paperwork and I need do nothing else, that he is going to handle it from there. Wow, I am relieved, I tell him. I hope he gets the sarcasm in my voice.

More and more, I see that our country has lost any sense of Customer Service. Companies that used to believe the customer was right have now gotten accustomed to treating us all like sheep, secure in the knowledge that there are more out there should we take our business elsewhere. It only gets worse when a company is allowed to be a monopoly. This applies to utilities, cable companies, even schools. I walk into the local school to check out my child and I wait at the counter for five minutes waiting to even be acknowledged, while they shuffle paperwork right in front of me.

It’s not just me, either. I hear these same stories from almost everyone I know.

Customer service has become a dying art.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

RIP Buck Owens. The Heaven version of Hee Haw just got another great cast member.

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Pat Robertson is in trouble again. He has been blasted by almost every group out there for blaming Jews for running Hollywood to “promote the filth of Hollywood that is seeding the American people and the people of the world and bringing you down in moral strength”. He also blamed Hollywood for promoting lesbianism and homosexuality. Many groups have called on Robertson to immediately apologize. Oh, wait. My bad. It wasn’t Robertson who said these things. It was Louis Farrakhan who said those things…on 26 February…and the silence has been deafening.

A woman’s perfect breakfast - She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

A lot of people don’t even know who Hugo Chavez is. The President of Venezuela only makes the news when he calls President Bush names. I heard he recently called him a donkey. Seems the man can’t even get his political parties straight. Pelosi, Hillary and Reid are the donkeys, Mr. Chavez. Every time I read Chavez ranting about Bush, I am reminded of a third grader calling a high school student a poopyhead. Of course the high schooler is not going to respond, having more maturity and wisdom.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

A great article on education by Thomas Sowell. Another by John Stossel. Yet another by Walter Williams.

Monday Funny

An elderly lady hired two brawny men install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, she asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.

She had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men, asking the elderly lady to move her car, which was blocking their van.

She told them her fee: $45.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

If swimming is good for your shape, then explain whales.

Anyone who thinks that the hosts of the political talk shows on radio are obnoxious have obviously never listened to a sports talk show. They make Rush and Sean Hannity look like pussycats. I know being obnoxious and contrary are designed to gather ratings and listeners, but some of the jerks on sports radio take it way too far.

I listened to one who spent all week before the Pittsburgh-Denver playoff NFL game telling everyone how Pittsburgh was spent, having played 3 emotional games in a row, and how Denver was a superior team. Funny, the week before he had told everyone how New England was a superior team to Denver. Anyone who called in supporting Pittsburgh was ridiculed. The host would label the caller stupid (among other names) before hanging up. It wasn’t enough to simply say, “you’re wrong.” No, it had to be along the lines of “you’re an idiot who can’t see plain simple logic, and you have no place reproducing because you are such a fool.”

Funny, when Pittsburgh won, the host did what he does every time he is wrong. He simply pretended he never picked Denver. Never mentioned it. Acted like he knew Pittsburgh was going to win all along. The worst thing is, not one caller tried to call him on it. No callers who got through the screener, that is. Of course, this is a small sampling, because I only listen to this fool when there is absolutely nothing else on, and I am tired of oldies or rock, so I move down the dial to the sports talk just to laugh for a bit.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

This is a great story of a 17 year old autistic boy who was the team manager on his high school basketball team. At the end of the last home game, the coach put the kid in to let him play. In four minutes, the boy scored 20 points and was the game hero. Can you imagine the coach being asked after the game, “where have you been hiding this player? And why haven’t you been playing him more?”

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

Isn’t it cute how Hollywood actors think their political opinions matter? Of course, to them, nobody else’s opinion matters at all. Take Richard Belzer, actor and renowned conspiracy nut. He dismisses the opinions on war by anybody in the military. This is because, according to Belzer, the military is all “19 and 20-year-old kids who couldn't get a job”. Nice.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Monday Funny

Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to Church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."

To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Thursday Edition of Monday Musings and Ramblings

Apologies for being late with the ramblings. Along with an increased work schedule, my wife returned home last weekend from a week-long trip out of state. All of my spare time was directed towards my family. I knew neither my editor nor my publisher would mind, and I am sure my fan will understand.

A fundraiser in Brooklyn wound up with X rated fortune cookies, giving attendees a bit more than they bargained for.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Imagine being six months pregnant, going to the toilet and mistakenly delivering a baby. Now imagine that 911 call.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.

According to Ben Stein, if you take away all of the profit the oil companies make, you would only lower the price of gas about 6-8 cents.

Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Justice Alito was confirmed, and Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep and others were upset. What a grand day!

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it also takes up a thousand times the memory.

So it wasn’t the Nazis that Julian Bond was comparing Republicans to when he made his speech. We now know this because the audio tape was finally released. What he actually said was that racial equality to Republicans means flying the American flag alongside the “Confederate swastika.” This from the man who has compared conservatives to the Taliban, called Condi Rice and Collin Powell “tokens” and smeared Samuel Alito, John Ashcroft, and others. But he wants it clear that on this one occasion, he absolutely did not equate Republicans with Nazis. Glad he cleared that one up. Why is it that the lefties who shout the loudest about being ‘tolerant’ are the ones who are quickest to slander, slur, and denigrate with name-calling?

Monday Funny

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous."

Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."

Saturday, March 11, 2006

How To Tell If You Are A Leftie, vol 2

A continuation of a primer designed for those who are clueless to the fact that their opinions are not quite in synch with reality.

If you think the Aids virus is spread by a lack of funding, you are a leftie.

If you are aware of the name Tawana Brawley, and know about the false claims and lies associated with this story, and you still choose to believe anything that erupts from Al Sharpton’s mouth these days, you are a leftie.

If you consider trial lawyers to be selfless heroes but you think doctors are overpaid, you are a leftie.

If you think it’s wrong to look closely at young men of Middle Eastern lineage more than an 80 year old grandmother when searching for terrorists, you are a leftie.

If you would applaud someone going to a funeral and making political statements instead of honoring the deceased, you are a leftie and a bit of a ghoul.

If self-esteem is more important to you than actually doing something to earn it, you are a leftie.

If you can keep a straight face while lefties are screaming about republicans having a “litmus test”, you qualify for leftie status.

Define the term ‘activist judge’ – if you said “refuses to shout their undying approval and support for abortion above and beyond all other concepts”, you are a member of the leftie club.

If any change in the weather is proof to you of global warming, you are a leftie.

If you can look at a picture of Harry Belafonte without disgust, your badge says “hi, my name is Leftie”.

If you don’t get outraged when reading about pedophiles being slapped on the wrist lightly by judges who excuse the behavior with all sorts of idiocy, you are a leftie.

Stay tuned. There are more indicators to come later.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Stop the Presses!

On the 3 February telecast of the NBC Nightly News, anchor Brian Williams gave the following lead in to a story.

“A new development tonight concerning the giants of the American road. Some people drive SUV’s for the safety they fell they bring them, car drivers say it makes for an unfair matchup out on the road concerning height and sheer size.”

The story was about the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety and a study they did revolving around accidents between small cars and larger cars. The reporter mentioned that this institute already had test data supporting the conclusion that in accidents, smaller cars fare worse than larger cars.

Okay, big red flag here. Who needs to spend money (taxpayer money, no doubt) on research into the winner of a wreck between a huge vehicle and a tiny vehicle? But wait, wasting money once is not enough. Let’s do it again.

So this institute, which proclaims itself to be “an independent, nonprofit, scientific and educational organization”, goes out and throws more money into this baffling puzzle. Guess what their findings were? When a large vehicle and a much smaller one collide, the loser is usually…drumroll please…the smaller vehicle.

Wow. Talk about compelling news worthy of national attention. Thanks, Brian Williams, for alerting us to this earth shattering news.

Oh, wait, that’s right. This was a way to appease the environmentalist overboarders. Never pass up a good chance to denigrate SUV’s and other examples of capitalistic consumption, right? Notice how the story was introduced – “giants of the American road”, as if SUV’s are only driven in the bad US of A. And be sure to point out that “car drivers” say it’s an “unfair matchup”. Why, those big ole meanies in their gas guzzling tanks scare me.

I have some ideas for news items that the allegedly unbiased networks could use. Who knows, one of these exposes could be worthy of a Pulitzer nomination.

Will eating foods higher in calories and fat contribute in some way to obesity? Does refraining from eating at all hurt you? New studies prove that those who don’t eat will eventually die.

Studies have shown that people who stand in the rain tend to get wetter than those who don’t. The one exception to this is a group of people who call themselves swimmers.

The National Focus Group for Head Banging has determined after a twenty year study that hitting yourself on the head with a hammer can cause headaches.

And finally, the Where Will It Be Today Foundation, a nonprofit independent research group funded totally by taxpayers, has concluded after exhaustive studies that the sun tends to rise in the East each morning, but will surprisingly set in the West as it gets darker each evening.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Monday musings and ramblings

This says it all – one of the current best selling French Quarter T shirts reads, “I stayed in New Orleans for Katrina and all I got was this lousy T shirt, a new Cadillac and a plasma TV.”

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Okay, now this borders on the ridiculous – Britain has banned school children raising their hands to answer questions. Not only that, but teachers are not allowed to call on children who raise their hands, and children who are called on are allowed to ‘phone a friend’ by nominating someone else to answer. I can’t even begin to address the stupidity in this latest effort.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere - and to let the air out of the tires.

It seems the state fish of Hawaii is no longer the humuhumunukunukuapuaa. What a shame.

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

A $120,000 house in Indiana is incorrectly valued at $400 Million and is now being blamed for budget shortfalls and possible layoffs.

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

How did it become a violation of federal law to transport a human skull? Was it that big of a problem?

Monday Funny

A man goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies. They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it'll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.

The man says, "We'll ship her home."

The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."

The man replies, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

D/s versus PC

I have been thinking about the world of Domination/submission versus the world of Political Correctness.

Do not confuse D/s with Bondage/Discipline. Bondage/Discipline is what most people think of when they hear a reference to D/s. B/D is about pain and restraint. D/s can involve restraints, but is about power and trust.

For the uninformed, Domination/submission is a form of interaction that many people employ. There are protocols to D/s just as there are to most other interactions. These protocols are where the similarities to PC come into play.

In D/s, you use a safe word. The submissive agrees on the safe word with the Dominant before the interaction begins. If at any time, the submissive feels uncomfortable, threatened or unsafe, they use the safe word. At that time, all interactions cease. Safe words are the definitive red light.

In PC, there are words very similar to safe words. If someone feels they have been offended, they use a host of words. They make accusations of discrimination. They call someone a homophobe or a racist.

This does not extend only to matters of race. If a gay gets into a disagreement for any reason with someone else, you know the other person is a homophobe. Watch any talk show or court show on TV and try to find one instance of a woman saying her ex lover, boyfriend, husband, etc. did NOT abuse her. I heard one the other day say her boyfriend began “mentally abusing” her. What does that mean? He thought bad things about her? We have gone from physical abuse to verbal abuse (forget “stick and stones”) to mental abuse. How long before we get someone claiming ‘pre-abuse’ (well, he was going to abuse me sooner or later)?

The ultimate safe word is the N word. You can’t even type the word anymore, although blacks use it constantly in all sorts of situations as a friendly term of endearment. This has always baffled me inasmuch as to so many people, it’s a term that will either give you an instant breakdown or be the reason for a good hours-long riot, yet to others, it’s right up there with ‘dog’ and ‘bro’.

Another tenet of D/s is that the real power lies with the submissive. This goes hand in hand with having the safe word. The submissive transfers their power through trust to the Dominant, and by holding onto the safe word, control how far the interaction proceeds.

In PC, the real power belongs with the ‘oppressed’. If a member of any minority, for any reason, at any time, feels upset with someone else who is not a member of that minority, all they have to do is cry wolf and accuse the other person with discrimination. You’ve seen it in the story of the large black woman who is suing because she claims the airline requested she buy another seat due to the fact she is black. It had nothing to do with her weighing over 300 pounds. People are taking her seriously.

A group of unruly black teenagers are being loud in a store, flinging obscenities at each other and at other patrons. The business owner asks them to leave. They run to the news media shouting, “Racist!”

Who ultimately has the power in that scenario? The business owner’s choices are to allow the gang to run off his other customers, or to face months of pressure from the media and the local version of Jesse Jackson, who will be shaking him down for a ‘contribution’.

Watch or read the news. When there is a confrontation involving a minority and a non-minority, I would venture that in well over 90% of the time you will see it pop up, even if it has nothing to do with the confrontation.

The whole purpose of D/s is about transferring power. Transfer of power is the sole purpose of PC as well, although it’s more a permanent transfer that is sought.

The most current form of PC involves politicians tripping over themselves to pass “hate crime” legislation. If someone beats you, they get charged with assault. But if someone beats you and says anything that demeans your race, religion, sexual orientation, etc., then it’s a much more serious offense. Hate crime at its most basic is criminalizing thought, and that is a slippery, slippery slope.

The one area where I see a difference between D/s and PC is the public perception of the interaction. Although most people have long considered D/s to be offensive, it’s becoming accepted by more and more people as time goes on. PC is experiencing the exact opposite effect. While the majority of society has accepted it for so long (why, I just can’t figure out), it’s slowly becoming recognized as either a joke or a means for scammers to grab a bit more power, money, or combination of the two.

The saddest part of this is the dilution for the people who are actually hurt. There are actual cases of discrimination out there. There are true instances where someone will hit someone because they are gay. Spouses are physically abused. These true instances are almost drowned out by the cacophony of cries of “wolf!”

Perhaps the next time you see or hear someone whipping out the racist card, you’ll think of safe words and power transfers.