Monday, July 31, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

Good morning to my faithful reader. Let's get on with today's ramblings.

Curious about how many illegal immigrants might be in your state? Here’s some figures. Note – these estimates are from the 2000 census and according to the small print, the numbers are only about half of what they estimate to be around now.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

This story just amazes me. A judge, while sitting in judgement on several cases, is found to have been…distracted.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

First Lady and former librarian Laura Bush is scheduled to make an appearance at a librarian’s conference, speaking on rebuilding libraries after Katrina. Non-controversial, right? Not according to lefties who are members of the American Library Association.

Monday Funny

Here's a picture of a public toilet in Switzerland that's made entirely out of one-way glass. No one can see you in there from the outside
































But when you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

If you are curious as to how the number of casualties from the War on Terror stacks up against some of our other wars, take a look at this.

You know that indestructible black box on airplanes? Why don’t they make the entire plane from that stuff?

You remember those debit cards given out to anyone who showed up claiming to be a Katrina victim? It turns out that a lot of money from you and me was not only given to liars and frauds, but a lot of it was misspent as well. The GAO estimates that over 1 billion dollars was misspent on things like $1100 diamond engagement rings, tattoos, massages, condoms, $300 of Girls Gone Wild videos, $200 champagne at Hooters, $600 at a strip club, and vacations in the Dominican Republic. Now the LA Times says don’t blame the people who actually did the spending.

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Some interesting thoughts on the oil situation by Pete Du Pont

Monday Funny

What happens when you have:
1) nothing to do
2) a sharp knife
3) a large lime
4) a patient cat
5) too much tequila
6) and it's football season

Monday, July 17, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

Monday musings and ramblings

Speaking of PC, did you know that some people are upset with Curious George? Three guesses what major city this originates in.

Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?

Irony alert – A woman who is passing out pro-life literature is attacked and beaten by someone who obviously would use the phrases “keep your laws off my body” and “a woman has the right to choice”.

You can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

A lounge in PA shows some true American spirit with its signs.

Monday Funny

A dog writes a telegram. It says "woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof". The man says "you get ten words for the same price, you can add another woof if you want." The dog looks at him and says, "then it just would not make any sense."

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

Getting this one out a few hours early to make deadline.

Another of those peace-loving, forgiving, anti-violence liberals…who show their true colors when they let their guard down.

When you are tired of being old and get wistful about being young, think of algebra.

A Democratic candidate holds a rally. An attendee stands up and announces he has committed a crime by entering the country illegally, forsaking the laws of the land in order to further his personal goals. He says he wants to help the candidate but has no papers. The Democrat publicly endorses further breaking of laws by encouraging illegal aliens to vote and help her win. When caught on tape, the Democrat backtracks and covers up. The saddest part is she just barely lost, even in a district that was heavily registered Republican. Yes, I know, registrations obviously don’t matter, since anyone can vote now.

We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Sometimes you just have to keep a sense of humor. Scroll down to the bottom of the ebay listing and read his replies to questions. Hilarious stuff.

Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?

I am never amazed at the arrogance of yankees, especially when they begin slamming the South. Chuck Schumer got upset when places in the South received a higher percentage of Homeland Security money than previously allocated, resulting in a quote worthy of the Prejudice Hall of Fame.

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

In yet another example of PC run amuck, a 6 year old boy is suspended from school for sexual harassment. Another young man is suspended for a year for trying to dispose of a 2 inch knife his sister mistakenly brought to school, before they even entered the building. A 12 year old boy is suspended for two weeks and charged with a felony for bringing sugar to school for a science project.

Monday Funny

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", he said as he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Monday Musings and Ramblings

Aplogies for the lateness of the post, and wishes for a wonderful Independence Day for all.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. Enjoy paying your taxes.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Every now and again you will hear about some former military member coming out blasting the military and confessing to all sorts of bad behavior, while the lefties rejoice unabashedly. There’s only one thing – more than once, these people are found out to be complete liars, evidently trying to gain leftie sympathy any way possible. Sounds like they should be working for CBS or the NY Times.

Why don’t you ever see the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

I remember the good old days, when in order to receive something like a driver’s license, you had to prove who you were, and you had to fulfill certain requirements, such as living in the state where you applied. No more.

Long ago, when men yelled curses and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.

A nice article about victimization. I agree with the conclusion – that nothing should be done to assist the latest victim class. This is a policy that is long overdue.

Why do doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

This is one lawsuit I hope gets the plantiff loads of money.

Monday Funny

Mary’s husband died while fishing. Mary sent in his obituary to the newspaper. It read, “Sam died yesterday while fishing.” The newspaper people caller her and said, “you can put a little more in the paper if you want. You have 10 lines for free.” The next day the obituary appeared in the newspaper. It read, “Sam died yesterday while fishing. Boat for sale.”