Monday Musings and Ramblings

Apologies for no column last Monday. I was out of town due to a family comittment. More on that later this week.

According to the New York Post, the makers of “Brokeback Mountain” were too rough on sheep. Insert your own punchline here.

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

How low will lefties go? This particular leftie proposed a ‘scientific experiment’ in order to prove that the World Trade Center was not brought down by planes. Gee, then I wonder what he wants us to think actually brought down the buildings? Or maybe they never fell in the first place. Maybe the evil Republicans merely tossed a shroud of invisibility over the buildings in order to gain politically!

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

This is a great article that shows the insanity of appeasing the irrational.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

This is truly a scary story about government run amok. Yes, it’s extremely important to protect children from predators, but as in rape and spousal abuse, the pendulum has swung way too far to the other side.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

When was the last time there was peace in the Middle East? How long has it been since Muslims have not been hungry to kill Israelis? To think, John Kerry had the answer all along, he knew more about how to impose peace in that area than anyone since…well, since time began. And all we had to do was elect him, which we failed to do. I guess this is our burden to bear.

Monday Funny

A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the guy. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet him, hug him and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a great time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes back to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning."

Did You Know?

Let’s play a quick game of Did You Know? I’ll ask some questions, and you see if you knew these facts. Ready?

Did you know that white kids in the suburbs are 83% more likely to use crack than black kids in urban ghettos?

Did you know the drop-out rate is higher among rich and middle-class whites than it is for poor blacks?

Did you know there are people who will call a candy bar Mister but will only call a black man “boy”?

Did you know that lead paint and polluted water cause people to murder?

Did you know it’s racist to accuse a black person of willfully committing murder, when it’s the paint and the water that made them do it?

Did you know that beer companies are owned and run only by whites, and they are deliberately putting chemicals into malt liquor, and then they only sell it in black neighborhoods, and they do this in order to force blacks to kill each other?

Did you know that America is "the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet"?

Did you know even Colin Powell can’t get a cab in New York because of his color?

Did you know that 87% of the people needing dialysis are black?

Did you know that blacks are not qualified to deal with the white system, and they all need help from groups, such as the NAACP?

Did you know the NAACP is responsible for ‘liberating’ the “old, ugly, short, fat, white” woman, so she can now be a stewardess, too?

Well, if you did not know these things, you should get to know Dick Gregory, who was once a comedian, but seems to have found his niche as a sullen, bitter, angry reactionary.

Monday Musings and Ramblings

Was hiring Howard Stern a good deal for Sirius radio? Considering how much the stock dropped in the first months afterward, one would think the answer is no.

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

A lady picks a tomato in her garden and finds a message written by a worm.

How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

One enterprising Senator thinks that we can destroy prostitution by taxing it. Perhaps if he would just give an honest read to the fair tax.

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

A Republican Senator is caught on video making racial slurs by telling an Indian (from India, not Native American type) saying you can’t go into a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts without having a “slight Indian accent.” The Republican Senator is immediately set upon by the national media and countless Hollywood celebrities, who denounce the Senator’s words while calling for his immediate resignation followed by sensitivity training. Oh, wait, no, that’s not what happened. It was actually a DEMOCRAT who said these things, over a month ago, and the SILENCE from the left is deafening. Have you even heard about this before now?

Monday Funny

A man answers a knock on his door to find a man asking, “Is that your pit bull in the yard?”

“Yes,” answers the first man, “why do you ask?”

“I’m afraid my dog killed your dog.”

“What kind of dog do you have?”

“A Chihuahua.”

“How did a Chihuahua kill a Pit Bull?”

“He got stuck in your dog’s throat.”

Think

Think of all those quotes you have seen over the last 5 years from lefties denouncing the war on terrorism.

Think of all the lefties who have said that President Bush is exaggerating the terrorism threat to strengthen his base.

Think of all the lefties who have said we are no safer today than we were (x number of) years ago.

Think of all the lefties who have either said or did not deny the theory that Bush was behind 9/11.

Think of all the lefties who have said we are not at war with terrorists.

Think of all the lefties who have said we are in Iraq for oil, not for fighting terrorism.

Think of all the lefties (Keith Olbermann included) who are implying that the latest news from London was staged in order to benefit Republicans.

Think about the lefties at the NY Times who revealed the secret operations that was tracking terrorist funding. Think how they disregard concern for the safety of our country in order to hurt the President. Think of how last week's news may have been different if they had revealed this operation earlier.

Think how many lives would have been lost last week if lefties had been in charge.

Now, before you vote in the next election – think.

Tuesday Musings and Ramblings

Apologies for my being a day late and a dollar short.

Remember all the hoopla over fans throwing one unused syringe without a needle at Barry “Barroids” Bonds earlier this year? Remember how all the media was all over the story, condemning fans who throw objects on the field, saying how it could harm a player? Now compare that uproar to the relative silence over the “fans” in San Francisco pelting the opposing team with beer bottles and other pieces of garbage after Barroids was tossed out recently. You see, in baseball, there is a golden rule that arguing called strikes can (and will) get you thrown out of the game. Another rule is there are certain words guaranteed to get you thrown out if you use them on an umpire. Barroids went for the daily double by first arguing and then saying one of the magic words. The reaction of the mob in SanFran caused the other team to flee the field for their safety. Been fairly quiet since then, hasn’t it? I had to search three different websites to even find a mention of the incident in the report of the game. How sad that the media choose to protect a bum like Barroids, but refuse to extend that protection to an entire team who did nothing wrong.

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people will try to stuff in that slot?

A link to a video that introduces the Fair Tax bill (HR25) currently in Congress

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Another story about WMD’s that have been found in Iraq. Of course, people will continue to lie and say we have never found any. Oh, and don’t forget that these same people will continue to deny that Saddam had any connection with Al Qaeda.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

For a story that will turn your stomach, read how former President Clinton acted pompous yet did nothing to find those responsible for the Khobar Towers murders

Monday Funny

Bubba was stopped by a Game Warden with an ice chest of fish, leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked Bubba, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"No, sir, I don’t have a license, but these are my pet fish. Every night I take them to the lake and let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump back into this ice chest."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" said the warden.

Bubba looked at the game warden and said, "It's the truth, I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay," said the game warden, "I've got to see this!"

Bubba poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well? When are you going to call the fish back?"

"What fish?" asked Bubba.