Monday Musings and Ramblings

Apologies for no column last Monday. I was out of town due to a family comittment. More on that later this week.

According to the New York Post, the makers of “Brokeback Mountain” were too rough on sheep. Insert your own punchline here.

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

How low will lefties go? This particular leftie proposed a ‘scientific experiment’ in order to prove that the World Trade Center was not brought down by planes. Gee, then I wonder what he wants us to think actually brought down the buildings? Or maybe they never fell in the first place. Maybe the evil Republicans merely tossed a shroud of invisibility over the buildings in order to gain politically!

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

This is a great article that shows the insanity of appeasing the irrational.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

This is truly a scary story about government run amok. Yes, it’s extremely important to protect children from predators, but as in rape and spousal abuse, the pendulum has swung way too far to the other side.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

When was the last time there was peace in the Middle East? How long has it been since Muslims have not been hungry to kill Israelis? To think, John Kerry had the answer all along, he knew more about how to impose peace in that area than anyone since…well, since time began. And all we had to do was elect him, which we failed to do. I guess this is our burden to bear.

Monday Funny

A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the guy. "Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet him, hug him and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a great time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes back to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning."