Monday Musings and Ramblings

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

According to NBC, a man from Long Island took a note last August, stuck it in a plastic bottle, and flung it into the Atlantic. Recently, he received a letter from Mr. Henry Bigglesworth from England. The letter basically said, you may think you were doing a scientific experiment, but all you did was litter. Sheesh.

Why is lemonade made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Please, please, please…if you are considering joining AARP, look over this group before you take action. If you don’t agree with the extreme liberal views of the AARP leadership, this may be a better way to get senior discounts.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Even the lefties don’t want Cindy Sheehan running for the Senate. In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

Oprah did not get what she deserved when she was hoodwinked by a liar, only to foist the liar on those who worship her and her ‘book club’. Still, in an age where network news anchors and byline reporters for major newspapers can admittedly throw truth out the window in order to spruce up their sad pathetic lives, why should we expect a non-fiction book to be actually true?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

LA Governor Blanco blasted the President’s State of the Union speech because he did not dedicate more time to Katrina. Has anyone informed this person that Katrina was NOT the first hurricane in history to hit America?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his MP3 player?

Jimmy Carter used to be President. These days, he keeps occupied by attacking America and defending her enemies. First, he comes out at a funeral of all places and makes a lot of noise accusing President Bush of illegal wiretapping. The press had a field day. Now, it comes out that Carter authorized the exact same type of warrantless eavesdropping. Hello, press? Where are you?

Monday Funny

A young teenage girl was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat but her father to be a rather staunch Republican.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school.

She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying.

He asked, "How is your friend Mary." She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on campus, went to all the parties all the time. Why, she often didn't show up for classes, because she was hung over.

Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

The daughter angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing at all".

The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party".