Monday musings and ramblings

(The regular Monday edition is a couple of days late this week)

It would be hilarious were it not so tragic watching the White House press corps parade their feeling of self-importance for the world to see. They are upset that the administration does not act like they are best friends? Perhaps that is the fruit you sow after five years of adversarial conduct. Maybe the White House is not going to bend over backwards to do favors after years of Inquisition-style press conferences. After all, no one ever accused Ivy League graduates of being idiots. Oh, wait…

Another case of rapists being treated kindly in Vermont – why don’t they go ahead and make the state slogan “Live Free and Rape” (apologies to those in New Hampshire)

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results.

I understand we are going to hand Italy and France back over to Germany, because someone has unearthed the shocking news that we intercepted communications from the Germans during World War II…and we never went to court to ask permission.

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

A leading Republican Senator called the House of Representatives a “plantation”. Leading Civil Rights experts such as Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have quickly condemned what they termed “hate speech”, calling for the immediate censure and resignation of the offending Senator. Oh, wait, my bad. It was actually Hillary who said it, and no one even raised an eyebrow in reaction. In fact, Sharpton, who was present, praised the soon-to-be ex-senator from leftieland.

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you do not laugh at the irony of Ted “Chappaquiddick” Kennedy having to quit his membership in a males only club after trying to burn Justice Alito about his, you are a somber leftie.

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

You can actually see the picture the NY Times ran, claiming it to be of a ‘missile’ fired by the US. Turns out it was just another anti-Bush lie by the supposedly unbiased newspaper, now known for lying to promote their cause.

Monday Funny

Great Truths about life that little children have learned:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.