Musings and Ramblings

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Barbra Streisand posted a blog blasting the President for being a C student in college. Trouble is, her missive has 11 misspellings in it. For the best part, follow the link on the Drudge Report to her 2002 reply to another report on her poor spelling, where she says that attacking someone for poor spelling is attacking them on “the lowest and least pertinent level.” I wonder if that also applies to attacking someone for grades?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

You can be forgiven if you are in an airplane that drops 8000 feet and you begin screaming, “We’re going to crash!” That is, unless you are a flight attendant on the flight.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you get the urge to play with the animals at the zoo, don’t.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Hamas, which is now the ruling party in Palestine, has a website designed for children. Although you can’t read the text, I have it on good authority that this website praises suicide bombers, including a story about a mother so proud of her son for becoming a suicide bomber that she begins handing out presents to friends. I was able to navigate to a picture page that has lots of pictures…of children holding rifles, crying over dead bodies, and throwing Molotov cocktails.

Monday Funny

If the Bible had been written by college students

...there would have been 5 Commandments, not 10, and they would have been doublespaced with wide margins and a large font.

...Moses would have wandered the desert because he was afraid to ask directions and look like a freshman.

...God would not have created the world in six days and rested on the seventh; he would have waited until the day before it was due and pulled an all-nighter.

...Cain would have killed Abel because they were roommates.

Tax Day Ramblings

It’s Tax Day, so what better day to do some tax related ramblings.

First of all, there is nothing out there to beat the Fair Tax Initiative. Check it out. This is a system where you take home all of your paycheck. No taxes taken out. You pay taxes on the items you purchase, but the prices don’t go up, because the tax rate is about the same as the embedded tax rate now. Plus, you get a rebate on essential items you purchase, based on family size. No taxes taken out of your check, prices stay the same, and you get a rebate check every month. How can this be possible? You can also read about it on Neal Boortz’s site. He co-authored the book on the Fair Tax. You’ll hear a lot of misinformation and lies about the Fair Tax, so don’t trust them, and don’t trust me. Read it and decide for yourself.

One of the dumbest commercials around today (and maybe of all time) shows a contractor complaining that the IRS might take away his business because of the $200,000 he owes in back taxes. For advice, he goes to his accountant, who recommends one of those services that help you settle tax debts. Now let me ask you, if you buy a car and it turns out to be a lemon, is the first person you ask for advice on how to solve the problem going to be the car dealer who sold you the car originally? If you get in legal trouble, do you ask the lawyer who got you into the trouble for his advice on how to best get out of trouble? Then, why in the name of all that is holy, would you ask advice from an accountant who got you into a $200,000 debt with the IRS? The only communication I would have with the loser would be the letter of termination I would send, unless I felt I had a good case for fraud or negligence.

Musings and Ramblings

I hope everyone had a most enjoyable Easter weekend.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Lost of people have complained about what Bill Clinton did while in office. The latest one to join in may be the strangest yet. This time, it’s a certain Senator from New York with aspirations of running for President.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

An elderly woman takes her dogs out her front door for a walk early in the morning. A man dressed in a ninja outfit jumps out of the bushes, attacks her, and chases her as she runs back into the house screaming. The husband takes his pistol and blows the attacker away. I hope they give the husband a medal.

Brad Stine says while it may be safer to ride in an airplane than in a car, but the flip side is that it’s safer to crash in a car. At a car crash, you ask, “Is everyone okay?” but at a plane crash, you ask, “is anyone recognizable?”

So the city supervisors of SF think their opinions actually matter to anyone outside the leftie city. How quaint.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

If you are going to have sex in a car, don’t leave it running. Or if you have to leave it running, at least don’t leave it parked in the garage.

Daily Funny

Monday Musings and Ramblings

Gallagher wonders why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

A Professor at Southern Cal has been arrested for swindling students. I can think of a few college professors I think should be arrested for taking money under false pretenses.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

A great way to say Thank You to veterans.

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror

You’ve got to give him credit for resourcefulness. A civil servant in Canada has created an online site begging for donations so he can retire from his boring job and live a life of luxury.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

Break the law and get a holiday.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Lefties believe in freedom of speech, right? They hold sacred the ability to stand up and shout to disrupt a speech by someone you don’t like, right? Of course…except when it happens to them.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.

I’m not even sure I know what to say about this guy. He writes up a contract for his wife that details all her ‘wifely duties’ that is quite specific. What a piece of work.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back.

Here is a great website that will take any webpage you enter and translate it to a number of dialects, including redneck, Elmer Fudd, and hacker. Try it out.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

I have always loved Ann Coulter. Here is her take on the Oscars. Best line? “Is the idea of gay cowboys really that new? Didn't the Village People do that a couple of decades ago? Am I the only person who saw John Travolta in "Urban Cowboy"?” And here is her post oscar wrapup.

Monday Funny

Warning – the below image of friendly fire may be too intense for some

(don't say I didn't warn you)

Proud To Be Ignorant

If you have read much of my writings, you will know that I abhor bad writing, bad grammar, and poor spelling. I am not a fan of those who speak poorly.

I have gone into how I feel about “you can’t judge me”. This is an insipid saying that reveals a lot about the character of anyone who utters it. The word ‘judge’ has been hijacked by the popular culture in a blatant attempt to alter the definition in order to fit the usage they prefer. Dictionary.com defines ‘judge’ as forming an opinion after careful consideration. I laugh when someone tells me I don’t have the right to have an opinion.

Many words have been hijacked similarly. Remember when gay meant happy? No, this is not a lead-in to a punchline.

Recent history has emboldened those who refuse to use proper grammar and language. The lobby for abortion decided they did not like being called “pro-abortion”, even though it accurately described them. The problem was, their polling showed that people had negative reactions to the word abortion. Well, here was the problem, obviously! It did not occur to anyone that the act associated with the word (in other words, the definition) might be the cause of this unrest. No siree, it was the word itself. No problem, they decided, and thus they began a campaign to be known as the ‘pro-choice’ group. Now we’re talking. Here’s two ‘good’ words – pro and choice.

Media outlets across the land were directed to only refer to this group as ‘pro-choice’ from now on, and they dutifully followed orders. After all, if some group wants to be known by a certain name, who was the media to not comply?

Now the group opposed to abortion realized what was happening, and they cried foul. They approached the same media outlets and basically said what is good for the goose is good for the gander. From now on, we prefer to be called ‘pro-life’, they said. Of course, those same media outlets objected. For years, they used the term ‘anti-abortion’. Not only did it show that they would not be led by the pro-life side, it was a nice use of two negative connotations – smart of the media, eh?

It’s been an uphill battle over several years, but some media are finally using the term pro-life, although each time they do, some pro-abortion advocate yelps.

You see? Words do matter.

Now the mass culture is trying to destroy the word hate. Although it’s probably unintentional, they are undermining the word so badly as to render its use worthless. Let’s look at the current common usage. Anyone who opposes anything a leftie likes is immediately labeled a hater. If you say you prefer that marriage be between a man and woman, you are a gay-hater. Don’t want to open the borders for total immigration? You are a Hispanic hater. Prefer not to have the car twenty feet from yours drown out your stereo even though your windows are up? Hater. Don’t like sour cream on your baked potato? Hater. Okay, the last one has not been used…yet.

The point is, the word hater has been hijacked, and if the lefties have their way, it will come to mean anyone who opposes anything they like. It already means that to them.

I frequent a sports forum. There can be some lively discussions. Sometimes it gets to the edge of nasty. As you can imagine, steroid usage is a hot button issue. I have seen people labeled hater for saying they don’t believe someone who uses illegal substances should be allowed to get away with it. How is that hate? A better question might be, if you suffer the same knee-jerk reaction to everyone who has a thought different from yours, aren’t you a hater?

Recently, someone posted a message on the forum that contained a grammatical error, and it was fairly obvious. A reply was posted that said, I wish people would learn to speak properly on this board. The hater labelers came out of the woodwork. Someone who had not written the original post spewed venom at the reply.

Okay, there are lots of poorly worded posts on that board, as is true on most boards. Most of the time, the poor grammar/spelling/word usage is ignored. One time someone says something and you would think he had questioned someone’s manhood or family lineage.

When did it become not only cool to use poor grammar, but something to be proud of using? I have had this discussion many times over the years. Any time the subject of grammar comes up, there will be someone who gets indignant. They have a ‘right’ to speak how they wish, and you have no right (here it comes) to ‘judge’ them.

Try to find someone who does not misuse the pronouns I, me, him, or her. It’s gotten so bad that the incorrect usage is much more frequent than the proper usage. In this topsy-turvy world, the correct usage is now looked upon with disdain. For the last time, it’s improper to say, “Me and him went to the store.”

Like it or not, proper usage of grammar when speaking or writing is one indicator of intelligence. It’s not the only one, to be sure, but you may rest assured that people who speak properly are generally more intelligent than those who do not. Ignorance is not a trait to invoke pride. This is a result of the schools getting away from strict teaching and evolving into feel-good academies where you don’t correct spelling or grammar, you encourage the student’s individuality. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, now do we?

Yes, I am obsessive about a lot of things. That does not mean I am wrong. Worrying about small matters such as this used to be appreciated, even admired. In the military, they call it attention to details. Today you’re just called a hater.

Excuse Me While I Whip This Out - updated

Cynthia McKinney has never been accused of being smart. Neither has she ever been said to go one step out of her way to avoid controversy. She could be accused of being a certifiable wacko. She should be accused of being a hate-monger. She should be accused of whipping out the race card as often as Jesse and Al and the other race warlords.

For now, the only thing she is officially accused of is smacking a police officer who was doing his job. Whether or not she goes on trial for slapping the officer will be decided by a grand jury.

For those of you lucky enough to be ignorant of Ms. McKinney's greatest hits, a quick review.

- She claims the government sells crack cocaine to inner city residents
- Her father claims Jews have purchased the government
- She claims blacks who are Republicans have had all of their 'black blood' extracted
- She claims Al Gore has a low ‘Negro tolerance level’
- She called her election opponent a part of the Confederate Army, while her father (again) smeared him as a “racist Jew”
- She calls the President a calculating war profiteer
- She has claimed President Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks
- Anyone who dares oppose her on anything is immediately labled as racist
- She was first elected to Congress by a gerrymandered district that was heavily black, set up by a Democratic state congress. When the Supreme Court declared the district unconstitutional, she informed us the Court was racist, and she claimed the case was engineered by a Georgia company in retaliation for her anti-business stands.
- She said she was most willing to accept money from the Saudi prince who blamed the US for 9/11
- After Katrina, she said the FEMA director should be charged with negligent homicide
- She has been fined for campaign violations

We could just keep going on and on with her antics, but suffice to say she is not the most stable of people. Yet some people in Georgia keep sending her back to Washington. Maybe they just don’t want her in Georgia…

So now that you are acquainted with Conspiracy McKinney, let’s get to the latest news.

Ms. McKinney refuses to wear her lapel pin which identifies her as a member of Congress. She tried to just breeze around a metal detector, which is allowed for members of Congress. A policeman does not recognize her and asks her to stop so he can verify who she is. So far, does this sound familiar? It happened in 1992, to a congresswoman from Georgia by the name of Cynthia McKinney.

Hey, Santayana was right!

Back to the present. McKinney ignores at least two requests for her to stop to be identified, continuing on her merry way, oblivious of the common people. When the officer grabs her arm to get her attention, she whacks him.

Later, here she comes, whipping out that favorite of hers - the race card, calling the officer racist. She will whip out the ole race card on anyone at anytime for any transgression. Why, the entire DC police department is racist. Heck, everyone is racist, except our little miss Cynthia.

Let’s review again. She refuses to wear a pin that would identify herself. She walks past a guard and around security measures in one of the most heavily guarded cities in the world. She refuses to stop when asked by the police. When stopped, she assaults the policeman.

And he’s a racist?

I guarantee you that if I were to hit a policeman, I would not be awaiting results of a grand jury to see if I would do pokey time. I would be sharing a cell with a rather large man who probably would not like me very much. Why is she receiving special treatment? Is it her status (class discrimination), or could it be because she is black (race discrimination)?

Stay tuned for more from the wacky Conspiracy McKinney.

story on McKinney

Another

And another

Yet another

Here's one more

Just for good measure

Okay, last one

UPDATE

Well, now. Conspiracy McKinney has come before the august body that is the Congress and apologized for the assault. This is quite a far cry from her earlier proclamations. How do you get from 'he's a racist who attacked me only because I am a black woman' and 'this is all about my new hairstyle' to 'oops, my bad'? Does one apologize for being the victim of racial profiling, as she had claimed yesterday? In 24 hours, did the incident really turn from "inappropriate touching" to "a misunderstanding"?

On top of all this, while she was on her way into the building to make her apology (for being the victim of a racial incident, I guess?), her new bodyguard, who is rumored to be a retired Georgia State Trooper, got into a physical confrontation with a reporter and is reported to have said, "I'll put your ass in jail, I'm a police officer." When questioned further, the bodyguard supposedly admitted he was not with DC police, but would not identify what force he belongs to.

Sean Hannity will have the video tonight on his show, and you can also watch it here.

The handwriting is on the wall, Ms. Conspiracy. Your fifteen minutes are up, and your antics are no longer playing.

Monday Musings and Ramblings

It’s Opening Day in baseball, and all is right with the world.

A husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," came the reply, "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb.

After watching her husband do absolutely nothing for 8 years about Rwanda, Hillary has suddenly developed a conscience about sending troops to Darfur. She is demanding President Bush take the action that Bill would not.

There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman ... neither works.

(this one is completely true) An excerpt from the local "Baldwin County Public Schools Pupil Responsibility and Conduct Standards": "Pubic display of affection is inappropriate and unacceptable on the school campus."

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" the woman says, "I'll miss you."

I have noticed that those who claim the loudest to be individuals, those who make the most stringent claims to have self-esteem, are the ones who will go the furthest to obtain mass approval by wearing faddish clothes, or following the latest trend, or otherwise following the chic of the week.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Chocolate is linked to lower blood pressure. Woohoo!

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

A man who is a bicycle messenger in Bogota, Columbia, has been sentenced to four years of house arrest for a drive-by bottom-slapping incident. No, really.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Okay, I buy it if you forget a couple of things when you are running to catch the train. But forgetting your baby daughter?

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ally. Ally who? Ally Gator.

Monday Funny

I heard him trying to break in. I ran to the cabinet, grabbed my automatic, slammed the clip in and chambered a round. I was scared as I snuck down the hall to the back door.

I grabbed a flashlight and opened the door as quietly as I could. I tiptoed to the side of the house where I could hear him still working on the screen.

I turned the corner, putting the flashlight and gun in his face, while yelling, “Hands up!”

He turned to face me.